Confidence, The Inner Beauty

What is inner beauty?  To me inner beauty starts with love.  Not love of your family, children, or friends, but love of oneself.  Confidence that you are the best you that you can be.  I cannot give that to you.  Nobody can give this gift to you, you can only give it to yourself.

When I meet or talk to someone new, in any situation not just in a romantic sense.  I often imagine going to a meeting and sitting across from an individual or a bodyguard, depending on the layers of defenses, in a short interview.  The person I want to talk to is standing at the back of the room feeding the body guard the responses to give to me.  I continue to speak with the body guard until a level of trust is given.  Once trust is given the bodyguard and the individual switch places eyeing my every move until everyone is comfortable.

Once the guard is down you can start to see the inner workings of that person and get to know who they are.  What am I looking for?  Confidence and insecurities.  We all have insecurities.  Those are the things that we are not happy with ourselves.  I eat junk food too late and do not exercise enough.  I do not have the 6 pack I never had. :-).  I’ll never be a beach model oh darn lol.  Insecurities are find but do they own a person?  I may have a little belly but that is not going to stop me from going swimming.  Make sense?

Confidence, to me comes from a person that truly loves themselves in a healthy way.  A confident person is not worried about what someone else thinks.  A confident will accept and be appreciative of compliments but does not need them to function.  They don’t need someone else to give them permission to go do something, wear something, or be something.  They simply are who they are and they don’t let fear dictate their behavior.

Confidence comes from knowing and loving thyself.  Loving all your perfections and flaws.  It is your perfections that make you shine and your flaws that make you unique.  Its both that make you your whole self.

Read Perfect Imperfections

I hate to admit it but when I get to know someone and I see someone that is ruled by their insecurities or does not love themselves I tend to lose interest.  It isn’t that they are less beautiful.  I have a talent of seeing and focusing on the qualities an individual brings to the table.  You can have charisma and strength of character but you have to love yourself first.

Having a strong heart is important and being able to love yourself before anyone is also important.  It means that you may surround yourself with loved ones but they are not the only reason that you get out of bed everyday.  I have had this conversation with several people and where the conversation goes awry is when I hear something like the following.  “I put my kids first and I love them more than I love myself.”  I completely understand that statement but what happens when the kids leave the nest?  What happens when they decide that they want to move 1,200 miles away to follow their dreams?  Are you really building their confidence as individuals if you are not showing them how you can stand on your own two feet without them?  These questions are rhetorical of course and can only be answered by the individual.

Love in my order…

  1. Yourself.
    1. You have to love you before you can love anyone else.  You have to be your own rock and be able to weather any storm.   It is great when you have someone there to lean on for support if you need it but you need to be your own foundation.
  2. Your significant other. (if you have one)
    1. This is not the person you just met.  This is the person in a long committed relationship.  This is your rock when your rock begins to crumble.  Your partner, your love, and the person that will be there after your children leave the nest. (if you have children)
  3. Your faith.
    1. People could argue that this should come before #2 and I think it is semantics.  It should not in my opinion come before yourself.  If your faith is shaken everything above this foundation will crumble.
  4. Your Children or close dependants.
    1. Here is where I have had many many arguments.  Nobody is saying that the guy or girl you just met on Tinder should come before your children.  BUT your kids should not be the people that hold you together with glue or scotch tape when your life starts to fall apart.  Your kids should leave the nest one day and develop healthy relationships of their own.
  5. Your extended family and close friends that are like family
    1. I have lots of friends.  I have lots of family.  I believe all of them knows that I will be there for them at a moments notice whenever I am needed day or night.  BUT they also know that any of the above will come before them.  These are healthy relationships with healthy boundaries.  If any of the family or friends do not understand those boundaries it is my responsibility to clearly define those lines in concrete.  If they still do not respect those boundaries I will tell them to pound sand and go away.

Everything in life starts with love.  Love is a seed planted and nurtured can grow into confidence and develop a truly beautiful person.  Without confidence in oneself the foundation if not secure.  A person with a crumbling foundation is always leaning.  It is unlikely that you’ll be able to lean in their direction when you really need it.

Thank you for listening.

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