Professional Dater

When I was married I was in counseling and the counselor got me hooked onto journalling.  I had a lot of things to process at the time.   I remember how great it felt to focus in on one thought and get everything related to that thought out on paper.  The counselor complimented me on how structured and organized it was.  It was easy for her to follow  and it gave me closure on individual issues.   I also found that I could only really and consistently get a journal entry completed is if it was a homework assignment for the counseling.

18 months later I was divorced and going through a massive change in my life.  I didn’t feel that I needed to go back to counseling but I knew that I was going to have to process all of these new things.  There was so much in my head it was hard to focus on one thing.  I have amazing friends and all of them are great listeners.  Even after I would talk to them I felt like I never really got everything out, like I was processing as I was communicating.  I could never reach that conclusive point of any one topic.  So I started having repeat conversations with people.

Thats where the idea of this blog was born.  The site itself became a hobby, how it was organized, what kind of posts, what would be the theme, what kind of articles would I write, everything.  My posts started off as dating tips with the occasional blurb of information inside my head.  Now the blog almost two months later is more topic based posts than tips.

This is a public diary.  Every post I write is almost a letter to myself.  When I start each post I almost never know the conclusion until I get there.  Diaries are usually private, but I don’t mind people hearing what I have to say.  I get compliments on the information that I share.

Being divorced or ending a long term relationship can be traumatic.  It was traumatic for me when I first went through it.  I felt like a failure,  I overanalyzed all the things I did and didn’t do.  When I was ready I had to force myself to stop looking backwards and start looking forwards.  How can I take the things that I learned and turn a negative into a positive?   Can I apply my positive, optimistic view on life and share what I am experiencing with the world and help other people?

If I make one person feel just a little less isolated or help someone take their negative and twist it a little positive then I have done my Random Act Kindness for the day.  I know I have repeat readers from all over the world.  I know I have friends reading these posts.  I hope I shed some light and help you find your silver linings.  That is why I post everyday.

Here is the funny part.  Because I post everyday 😀 This month I have been accused of being a Professional Dater.  I was not accused by just one person, Ohhh nooo.  😀  I was accused by several people actually.  This is comical at best.  I know where it comes from.  I start a blog, really an online public journal, about my life post divorce.

I had no idea what a professional dater was until I looked it up.  Apparently it is a person that encompasses most of the following list.  I will respond to each one.

  • Communicating with more than six people at the same time.
    • RE:  I’m sorry as intellectual as I am I could not keep this straight.  It is true that I do talk to multiple women, but 6??? I can barely keep my kids straight much less than 6 women on top of it.  Sorry I do not have the time.
  • Member of three or more online dating services at the same time.
    • RE:  I am on two and only two.  Whew, barely made that one.
  • Relists profile within 24 hours of a relationship breakup.
    • RE:  I have yet to date anyone seriously thus far or made it past 3 actual dates with one person.
  • Lets several communications just “end” in order to put time into new communications.
    • RE:  This I feel that falls on the ghosting category.  I do not recall ghosting on anyone.  Going through any and all communications I was the last to send a message or make a phone call.
  • Checks messages and dating services several times a day.
    • RE:  I work 5 days a week, I have children 50% of the week, and I have hobbies like this site and other extracurriculars beyond dating.  Days, weeks go by without logging into the two apps I use.
  • Always believes that the next match “may be better”.
    • RE:  I am not a grass is always greener on the other side kind of guy.  I am a go with the flow.  If it is meant to be then it will be.  If it is not it won’t.
  • Several times a year will have more than one date, with different people, set up in a week.
    • RE:  Okay this one happened once.  Several months ago when I was new at this I had 2 dates in one week.  It was a coffee date and both occasions went very well but neither of us spoke to one another again.  We were just incompatible.
  • At the first sign of trouble in a potential relationship, lets things break off to return to online dating.
    • RE:  Never had anything serious so this has yet to apply.
  • May hide profile, but doesn’t delete it, when steadily dating one person.
    • RE:  I used to hide my profile not because I was dating someone just out of dating exhaustion.  See Dating is Exhausting…
  • When returning from a date, immediately checks mail for new messages from others.
    • RE:  I have been guilty of this especially if the date did not go well.

Here are some truths to clear the air.

  1. I do not post about my dates.  I am not dating to get information for a blog.  I am dating to meet new and interesting people and see if I can find that elusive connection with someone.  See Love: No Strings Attached
  2. I have had several coffee dates I have only been to dinner twice.
  3. I have never sent a picture of my genitalia over any kind of electronic device nor received genitalia.  I don’t want it if it’s that easy.
  4. I have not had a single one night stand of any kind.  (see #3 lol 😀 )  As much as I would love to be sometimes I am not a man whore. 😀 Or a Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo “Don’t make me He-Bitch Man-Slap you”  LMAO 🙂
  5. I do talk to multiple people and I am open about that topic.  Until I meet someone and go out of multiple outings I am not technically dating them.  Also, anyone that has actually been out there looking for that connection knows, most of the people you talk to do not turn into a meet.
  6. The inspiration for my topics come from my everyday life.  A facebook meme, conversation, tweet, article, research, or simply something that was bothering me that I needed to process.  Many days I have many topics I save the ideas a drafts and come back to them when I have that same inspiration again.
  7. Most of the time I do not decide what to write about for that day until I sit down and write it.  I’ll scroll through a saved topic and finish it or address a thorn that is poking me in my mind.
  8. I try to post every day, most days are hard to fit in the time.  It is my daily dose of diary therapy So I try really hard to put in the time.
  9. I went on 5 dates the last 4 months and none in the last 6 weeks.  New Year’s Killed January’s Budget

So do you think I am a professional dater?  Send me a message or let me know in the comments.

Thank you for listening.

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