I have been on both sides of this topic. In the early 2000s I was supposed to receive child support and I never did. Now I happily, yes HAPPILY, pay child support. Do you know what you never heard me do? Complain!
The following is NOT about the extreme cases the people that are truly misusing the support. There will always be the extreme examples that abuse the system and misuse funds I consider those the “1%”. To the other 99% in this situation. This one is for you! 🙂
DISCLAIMER: This is not legal advice. If you are in or about to go through this hire an attorney. You might hear me mention that a few times. The following is a hypothetical example for educational purposes.
To those that don’t know how child support works let me sum it up for you. I am going to speak generally about how child support is “Suppose to work” by using a phrase that my local child support used called “Fuzzy Math”. And let me just say, you never want any kind of organization, especially the government explain how their system works that is pulling your money from your check to describe that process as “Fuzzy Math”.
So two people have a baby Parent A and Parent B.
- The one or both parents have decided to split up. You should hire an attorney
- government comes in to represent the child. Got an attorney yet?
- Parent A makes $40,000 a year. This person, if it is not you will have an attorney!
- Parent B makes $30,000 per year. This person, if it is not you will have an attorney!
- That is a difference in income of $10,000. GOT AN ATTORNEY YET?
- Most municipalities state that you need to split the difference of income. CALL YOUR ATTORNEY
- Divide that number by 3 and give 1/3 of it to the other person through the state in monthly payments. WHERE IS YOUR ATTORNEY?
Of course that is not the entire math equation. There are credits for shared parenting, verses full custody, or taking ownership of all medical expenses, or educational credits. Thats where the real “fuzzy math” comes into play. But don’t worry about it your attorney will help you through it. Unless you … didn’t get one… and decided to trust your soon to be ex…. …. and …. the government … uummm I’m sure you’ll be fine in the above hypothetical situation *eyeroll
Here are the two primary complaints I here out there…
First the Obligators…
“My ex doesn’t spend my child support on my kids the ex spends it on ____” then usually followed up with some stupid statement like “The Ex should have to give me receipts for cent spent on the child and give back what isn’t spent.” Okay stop it, shut up. lol Do you love your child? Do you want them living where they are living or somewhere worse? Because that is really the answer. If your ex did not have a child or the other expenses of a child they would not have the extra expense of a larger place to live, extra heat, clothes, food, babysitting, or other general child care.
So stop whining, spend as much time with your kid(s) as you can because that tiny human helped create is more important than the small payment you make. If you are actually paying too much, I am sorry you didn’t get the advice I gave above.
Now the Receivers…
“My Ex doesn’t pay shit they are a deadbeat.” Then proceed to trash talk about the ex to the kids and everybody who will listen. The sad thing is other people can hide you from their Facebook and Twitter feeds, Your kids can’t. Okay, we get it, it sucks, but this person was a shithead before you slept with them. So suck it up prince or princess stop it, shut up. lol Do you love your child? Do you want them turning out like your ex? Make them smart human beings, create a home of love with what you have and teach them the right way to love unconditionally. They will figure out about the absentee parent when they get older.
I’m not judging here. I really am not. Every situation is different, but when it comes to the end of a relationship it is no longer about you or the ex. It is about the child(ren). And all children need both parents to love them unconditionally. So forget about the money, you both probably already fought about that enough. Make or receive your payments and happily appreciate what you get if you get any many don’t.
If they can’t pay at all but they can spend time with the kids? Let them. Those are meals that you don’t have to spend the money on. You might need money but the kids need the love.
I know this was a touchy subject but I have had this argument with friends from both sides of the coin. Live your life with love and teach your child(ren) to do the same.
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