Don’t Tell Me Everything

How many times have you had that deep conversation with a person until the wee hours of the morning?  It is great when that happens.  It feels good to connect with someone on a level beyond the superficial. I am not even referring to someone in a romantic sense.  Even on a strictly platonic level with all the swiping and all the apps this type of connection still seems rare.

I consider myself a conversationalist.  I really enjoy talking to different people.  I guess that is why most of the connections that I make off of the dating services turn into friendships and they move along because they are looking for more.  I especially enjoy long conversations or debates about topics.   I love to learn and there is so much you can learn about a person.  Each person is unique in their own way.  People in a sense are containers of information, personal histories, experiences, views, mannerisms, etc.

Everyone is different, even a set of twins the individuals are unique.  You can take two individuals that grew up in the same house, dressed the same, and did everything together.  On the surface you do not see individuals, but beyond the superficial, you have two completely unique individuals.  They are individuals, because of the view or how they perceive the information given.

When I first started dating after my divorce I would get into some of these late night conversations.  I don’t really do that anymore and here is why.  I would get into these deep conversations learning about an individual in turn they would learn about me.  This seemed to be the closest thing to what I would consider “Normal Dating” where in turn lies the problem.  We weren’t dating.  We have had never met.  So here is this stranger that has a level of knowledge about my thoughts and feelings and this was before we had met.  More than half of these situations never even resulted in a meeting.

On the few where it did turn into a meeting guess what happened.  We struggled for things to talk about.  Or it became a mental battle of the awkwardness of a first date.  Along with having some intimate details about how this person functions.  This felt like meeting a penpal for the first time as I was meeting an old friend for the first time.  I believe this is why I felt like I made more friends on Tinder than romantic connections.

I can honestly say that I have made more friends on Tinder than I have anything more than that.  Thats nothing to be sad about.  Its still a connection and a very important one.

So months ago I learned my lesson.  IF I want to date ‘No more all night conversations with a stranger’ not until I had at least met them.  Since then, I have been pushing those deep conversations off until a coffee date.  I want to see first if there is a spark or attraction before I start opening up.  This has admittedly put several people off that could have resulted in a coffee or two.  On the flip side I am running into less, endless texters and the ones I expect to ghost, now ghost faster.  So I am filtering down to people that actually want to meet and not just people out there wanting to fill up their down time.  This results in more of a valuable meeting or at the very least an entertaining one with the wrong person.  🙂

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