Oh wow. How many times have I asked this question? How many times have i been asked? If I had access to every conversation I have had online or off I could categorize each answer to the level of seriousness of the relationship that one person is looking for. But that wouldn’t be fair.
It is not fair because the answer is never a relationship status. People are not looking for labels they are looking for connections. Picture a ruler one one end you have your conversationalists, we have all talked to them. Conversationalists, as I would like to call them are the people that only chat online and have no interest in meeting what-so-ever. On the other end of the ruler you’ll find the serial monogamists. Serial monogamists are the people that are looking for their first, or last marriage they will ever have. They are looking for that guy or girl to send the remainder of their days with. Every tic of a millimeter in between you’ll find all remainder levels of connection and commitment. I do not find anything wrong with any of the ticks as long as both people are upfront about what they are looking for or what type of connection they are looking for.
Here is the problem. Every answer I have ever received has been slightly different. So your tick does not match with my tick so we tend to move along quickly. Here is the rub that I want most people to ask themselves… Do you really know what you want? Or are you hoping that the answer that the other person gives might paint a picture that is attractive to you?
When I am attempting to answer the question What am I looking for? I believe I am more answering the question What is the opposite of what I am not looking for? Anyone that has ever had a crush, infatuation, date, relationship, marriage, etc that has had some sort of failure has a list of What they do not want. With every failed or successful connection that we have the list changes slightly.
A perfect example of this is my tag cloud to right of you are reading on a computer or below on a smartphone. Everytime I write a new post and I categorize that post the tags change in size slightly depending on the topics I write about. Another writer on a similar website may be writing about similar topics will have a completely different tag cloud.
So how do we fix this? Since nobody truly knows what they really want or what they are looking for I think we should change the question. Until now I really didn’t realize I was doing this but I ask the titled question a lot less these days because I am not getting the value in the answer I am looking for. I think its time for a new question. Since we all know what we don’t want should that be the question?
So What aren’t you looking for? What are the showstoppers for you? At least then I can let you know if i hit any of your red flags and I can find out if you hit any of mine.
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