Dating: Before Cake Now Interview

Dating can be exhausting especially post divorce.  Before I got married the dating world was different.  There was a recipe to follow:

Ingredients

  • 2 People
  • Compatibility or Common Interests
  • Attraction
  • First Meeting
  • Conversations
  • Personal knowledge
  • Experiences and memories
  • Love and Laughter
  • Time

Directions..

  1. Take 2 people place them a common interests and or compatibility along with a dash of attraction and mix thoroughly.
    1. First meeting should be added here this could be in the form of online, on the phone, in person meeting but it is in short the initial communication.
  2. Add long conversations covering personal knowledge of each other.  let simmer
  3. Slowly over time add some experiences, memories, love and laughter to rise in the batter

Sounds perfect doesn’t it?  Well it wasn’t.  We all broke some eggs, screwed up the measurements, and occasionally soured the batch.  The point is once we created something, or had that connection the two people involved worked hard at it because meeting people was left to chance.  We didn’t have the opportunities people have today to meet people.

Today its much different.  If I have learned anything about these apps and dating today its that you don’t meet one person my chance.  You meet several.  Suddenly instead of baking a cake you realized you have turned into a Human Resources department trying to sell a role to 300 applicants.

Online profiles intended to promote compatibility become as cold and uninviting as a resume only showing strengths while you the screener look for red flags instead of strengths.  Apps and services have digitized us into records in a database and the never ending process begins.  It is appropriate to complete any of the following in any order and any steps can be skipped at the request of the interviewer.

NOTE:  the following process describes the interview process.  Both parties are performing the same steps and are constantly interviewing multiple applicants.

  1. Receive emails or notification of perspective match(es)
  2. Start Online conversation(s) with multiple applicants to find issues that would prevent incompatibility,
    1. If incompatibility is found cease all communication. This called ghosting (see link below) GIVE NO REASON FOR GHOSTING.
  3. Move from Online conversation to a texting conversion.  DO NOT ATTEMPT PHONE CONVERSATION AT THIS POINT
    1. If incompatibility is found cease all communication. GIVE NO REASON FOR GHOSTING.
  4. Plan a date or meeting.  PHONE CONVERSATION STILL NOT REQUIRED IS STILL NOT REQUIRED AND MOSTLY NOT PREFERRED
    1. If scheduling conflicts occur or is too difficult to plan a meeting the ghosting is STILL appropriate.
  5. First Date
    1. If unsuccessful feedback is still optional but ghosting is still appropriate
  6. Second and all future Dates
    1. If unsuccessful feedback is still optional but ghosting is still appropriate

Dating has become as cold as an interview process with no anticipated hire date.  At least with a company the position must be filled by a certain date.  Companies know there is always a better applicant out there but the company realizes that the work needs to be done so they take the best available applicant.

Online dating has no hire date so steps 1-6 are repeated every single day.  People get exhausted turn off the apps then turn them back on and repeat the steps above.  There is always a better applicant out there, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  Because of that this process will continue indefinitely.  Sure the technology will change over time with the illusion of bringing us closer together but thats just it.  Its still just an illusion.

With all of our advancement in the information age all its really done is pull the human element out and left us more isolated than we were before we started.  Its made us complacent.  We no longer have to worry about meeting someone new I have multiple new people every day.  So maybe it has helped bring people together.  I am just hoping that the next advancement will create more relationships than connections.

And for the record.  I hate ghosting.  I have been ghosted in every step of the process above and I am guilty of ghosting myself with the exception of the dating phase.  My rule of thumb, If I choose not to see someone a second or 3rd time I will give a reason as to why if requested.

Good luck to us all.

 

Dating and Ghosting…

 

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